Three simple ways to remove that 'me' mindset

Three simple ways to remove that 'me' mindset.

I had nothing to study!

Currently, I'm on break from school and university. It's a little strange for me – I have nothing I need to study or do. Being that I'm also away from home, working is impractical.

So it's weird.

What is weirder, however, is that I've become strangely attached to doing something. I've never been the person that wakes up at five in the morning to furiously type out a piece of work or send something to a professor. But there is a habit of mine to be constantly panicking.

During school there was always work I /could/ be doing and at university, there was work I should be doing and in the holidays. However I'm now in that awkward transitional phase where you could be doing work – but then it might not be that useful in the long run.

So what have I been doing? Essentially, fretting about doing nothing - and it made me wonder why I was so scared of falling behind. If I started university without doing any prep work would I spend three years of my life playing catch up?

The logical answer is most definitely not. I'm sure we all know – the brain doesn't listen to logic. I listed out things that could be causing me to feel so anxious.

I ended up with things like:

My professors will think I am lazy

I will have less time to spend with peers

I may not be as competitive in class

I found that each of my worries occurred when I compared myself to other people. In the competitive business environment these incessant comparisons are bound to happen, but why is it that they occur even when there are no comparisons to be made?

As of now I have not met my cohort, my professors or my future employers – yet I panic as if they can already see my test scores. This realization led me to try three techniques for removing that over-competitive nature – which I thought I should share;

1. Compliment your biggest competitors

Handwritten notes can go a long way

Nice comments make people (yourself included) feel better about themselves. So by praising the people that you feel you have to compete with you take away from that 'me' mentality and begin to view your competitors as part of a team. The team you're a part of is one that is working towards self-improvement and if you all have a selfish ideal it's not going to work. Instead, make sure that you occasionally stop and check in with your rivals to ensure they're still on track too.

Often when we're working towards a goal, we become so wrapped up in the idea of achievement and 'winning' that we lose sight of those around us. I'm sure we're all guilty of becoming so lost in our needs that we offend a friend or acquaintance. So to short circuit that tendency to become wrapped up in your thoughts and needs you need to compliment someone that you feel you have to beat.

Don't make it an arbitrary compliment either. What we often miss is that those we feel most competitive with are those that we admire. Before you speak with them, think about why you feel the need to compete with them.

Is it because they have incredible determination, their organization skills far outshine yours or that they can retain composure throughout the biggest of crises?

2. Identify what you feel your biggest weakness is and work on it

I say what /you/ feel your greatest weakness is because sometimes your weakness is not what others perceive it as being but it still causes you great insecurity.

This in the grays inn library stairs (which I tried to get
in...unfortunately you need membership, whoops!)

For example, you may feel that you need to improve your vocabulary, but others think you are very well read. Does that mean that you shouldn't improve your vocabulary?

Short answer; no.

If you honestly feel uncomfortable with your skill level, it can amplify your reactions to situations. Personally, during the time that I have had no looming deadlines I've worked on developing my arithmetic abilities.

You would assume after studying commercial law I'd feel confident in my abilities to calculate costs and percentages, yet I still perceive it as my biggest weakness. Websites like kahnacademy.org have been invaluable in helping me to consolidate my skills.

Kahn academy is a free site that provides video tutorials and games for any individual wishing to increase their skills in a broad array of subjects such as Math, Science, Grammar or History. If you're hoping to increase your knowledge or consolidate skills in an academic area, this is an invaluable tool for you to have at your side.

3. Find somewhere to enjoy yourself

Hipster cafes are the best places to relax

Whether you're like me in that awkward no-work transitional phase, or you're working full time finding your happy place is the most important technique you could employ. Overseas I've been enjoying exploring the city and finding unique cafes to study in.

So far I've discovered that the usual chain restaurants such as EAT. Pret a Manger or Starbucks aren't always the best places to study The well-known name and standard menu can be comforting when far from home – but the amount of people trawling in and out of the store is just distracting.

Instead, look for cafes that are one-off, independent shops. The stores I enjoy play music at a low volume and have decent non-fluorescent lighting.

Those who have read my earlier blog posts will know that I have a strange love of hipster cafes – and I make no apologies – I still do. In larger cities such as London and Singapore, they are harder to find. But an hour or so searching Google can lead you to some great finds.

maybe skip the park on days like this...

If coffee shops aren't your thing you can, also try a park. Parks are fantastic opportunities for getting some vitamin D and doing a little bit of light reading. Currently, I'm reading Is it just me? By comedian Miranda Hart. It's a refreshingly honest novel full of hilarious stories and written in a unique conversational form between the author and the reader. Miranda occasionally will converse with her eighteen-year-old self as she explains not only what her life is like now but how she has slowly come to accept herself as she is.

If you're not one for peace and quiet, I can wholeheartedly recommend checking out a few local volunteer spots. If you volunteer at a festival, pet shelter or kitchen can contribute to lifting your spirits and help you to realign your goals with something more community orientated. - Lawyers may be interested in volunteering with their legal skills at a legal service. Pro bono work can be extremely rewarding and for young lawyers, it can also provide an opportunity to extend your knowledge base and add to your resume.

Although these ideas don't override a competitive nature, entirely they still help to keep things in balance. An overly competitive person can be damaging to their studies and those around them. While a little competition can increase productivity and satisfaction too much will leave you feeling run down and exhausted.

Always remember to find some time to relax when you feel like you've taken on more than you can handle.

Lulu Hensman