Why I will never set goals the same way again

I thought that as we reached the middle of the first month of the new year it was time to talk about goals.

I made two goals last year.

My first goal

One was to receive a black belt from my martial arts school. I had been training for six years and last year I'd applied to begin training for the exam.

I'd set the goal out perfectly according the the SMART system; train every day for 60 minutes before my study, measure it by timing myself and checking weights.

It worked perfectly. I can honestly say that I stuck to this goal like I never imagined that I could.

As a student that has always prided herself on achieving high scores and dedication it was also something that I didn't appreciate enough. Instead I became more and more miserable as I realised I still didn't have a black belt and every week I was receiving more and more criticism. Eventually after months of forcing myself to continue training the inevitable happened – I injured myself.

And just like that I had to strike off one goal on the list.

My second goal was to receive a letter from Brasenose parents.

For those who don't know Brasenose college is a college at Oxford that has a family system. Essentially first years are adopted by second years and so on and so on until you meet your great great grandfather who's a partner at the firm that you're applying too. It's an awesome system that made the idea of moving countries to apply to a university overseas seem so safe.

The second goal I wrote

It was probably a little ambitious to write this goal – but that's the risk I took.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't embarrassed to write that I failed both these goals. But I did. I failed them.

And, conversely, I am so grateful.

Heading into 2016 I no longer value my achievements. Instead I assess what skills and knowledge they gave me and value that instead.

The locket that held them both

As you embark upon the journey of achieving your goals for this year keep in mind four things that I learned from my failure this year.

1. Don't make your goals event orientated

A lot of goals apply purely to a single event during the year.

Eg. Be super fit for the marathon on 15^th of March.

This is a fantastic goal, but in reality – it's not an actual goal. It's a desire or whim.

If you make this goal you're choosing to assess yourself purely on the results from the 15^th of March. Instead try setting a goal more like this;

Eg. Improve ability to run for long distances.

Underneath you might like to dot point out;

a) how you're going to achieve it

b) why you want to achieve it

c) how you'll know you're going to achieve it

2. Give yourself room to move

The New Year is not a time to think about failure – but sadly, even the best intentions and efforts can be thwarted. Give yourself goals that aren't centered on external assessors.

For example; setting a goal to receive an A in your French exam is a wonderful achievement. However it's not a good goal.

Why not?

Contrary to popular belief, when you set a goal to get an 'A' you're not really aiming to improve your language skills. Yes getting that grade will require improvement of language skills but only according to a certain formula.

By aiming to do this; “Learn to converse confidently in French” you're defining what aspect of the language you're interested in and taking charge of your own skill development.

One of the key things I learned this year is that education is a journey you take by yourself. Lots of people will help you but you are the ultimate teacher. When setting goals that are for particular skills avoid relying upon grading systems as they may not specifically achieve what you want to achieve.

Other goals that might suit your purposes better than aiming for particular grades are:

• Learn to write professional emails without feeling anxious
• Find a learning technique that suits me
• Study for three hours a day

Again you should make sure that there's a way to measure and judge your goal so that you don't feel lost in the enormity of the task. Additionally, sometimes you'll find yourself improving in ways that your academic course doesn't appreciate – even though it's advantageous to you.

3. Pleasant event scheduling

A neat little psychology tip: If there's something you don't want to do, struggle to do or are putting off doing try pairing it with something that you want to do.

Before when I mentioned not making a goal that is event orientated I didn't mean completely reject opportunities where you can enjoy your newly developed skills. As you write down your goals dot point beneath times where you would enjoy or be rewarded by this new goal.

However, refrain from making them apart of your immediate goals. By keeping these separate from your actual goal your success in these events while fantastic- doesn't hinder your personal development. In fact sometimes you will benefit more from failing in those events then succeeding.

4. Reflect

When you have goals that you're happy with and aren't event orientated you must dedicate yourself to them be prepared to reach the end of the year and realise that you failed miserably.

For me, it was hard to look back on the meager two goals I made and failed – but a few weeks on I'm grateful. As a young lawyer I will fail – probably multiple times. But now I know to appreciate what the experience gave me rather then mourning what I lost.

That is the most important part of setting goals – not that you achieve them but you reflect on them but you learn from what you did towards achieving them.