The Clerkship Chronicles; On Wednesdays We Wear Black

You’d think that the professionals of law would be serious dignified people who never kowtowed to the vices of the public. The television series and movies certainly make it clear that the law is a special profession in which emotions are stripped away after your law degree and instead are replaced with a desperate desire to tear down all other competitors.

 This image of a lawyer is certainly the greatest pop culture reference -and you will see many jokes in which lawyers are referred to as ‘sharks.’ However, after spending six months embroiled in the reality of the legal profession I think perhaps the more apt description of a lawyer – at the very least a barrister – is a teenage girl.

Getting stereotypical here, teenage girls love to gossip, wear the right clothes and heaven forbid that you fall out of the right crowd. If any of these things happen it’s next to the end of the universe and you cannot possibly imagine continuing on with your day.

Let me tell you – this is EXACTLY what it is like as a clerk. Watching the barristers in court is hilarious – and if you ever go in to court to watch a trial (Which you totally should) these analogies will play over and over in your head.

To begin with; You must wear the right clothes.

#rebellion; young clerk dares
to wear pink!

The title of the article is ‘on Wednesdays, we wear black’. It was a phrase that stuck in my head when I was attending a trial last week. I was wearing an orange skirt -which seems like a whimsical fact to give you, but I must tell you that I gathered so many odd looks and security asked me if I was lost because if you’re not a client you must wear black. Trust me – when you’re clerking you want a wardrobe like Wednesday Addams, because you will wear black, with black accents. Occasional whites and greys are forgivable on juniors like myself-  but oh-my-god should you not wear ‘orange.’

The clerkship chronicles are all about honesty and truly telling you what it’s like to be a clerk so I will begrudgingly admit that I found this hilarious. I spent half the day reminding myself to act like a grownup every time someone commented on the color of my skirt. I never imagined that something so simple would mean so much.

What’s more amusing than the tragic fashion decisions of a junior clerk is the submission made by flustered barristers most Monday mornings. Usually it’s the junior barristers who make this mistake but once or twice an elder barrister will be caught out, and its comedy gold.

Picture this; it’s 8:00 am in the morning at the supreme court. Bleary eyed and clutching the first coffee of the day a barrister enters the court room. They sit down and set their coffee on the table before spinning in their chair to tell their colleague the latest update to the brief when they realize that their learned friend is sitting, with their gown elegantly draped behind them and a wig adorning their head.

You can see the blood drain out of their face when they realize that they were meant to wear robes on this occasion - and to their horror they have not worn their robes!

The humiliation of this occasion is only made worse when the Queen B of the court room - the judge raises their eyebrows at them upon entering the room. The ultimate despair of a barrister is for the judge to notice that they’ve done something wrong. As, much like teenagers, to lose your image in front of the most popular girl in school (or the one in charge) is to forfeit your entire reputation.

The barrister then must be forced to stutter their way through an apology, and thank his honor for their kindest curtesy when they are told they may be permitted to appear at the bar ‘unrobed.’

Even better than wearing the wrong clothes – is what barristers do when they’re both in robes. I like to compare it to a peacock dance.

Instead of laughing I take discrete
pictures of the court room ;)

A barrister’s robe (At least in Australia) is reasonably long, and can be flung about when you’re walking. It also has a tassel and a small bag near the nape of the neck. This heralds back to the early practice of law in England where those wishing for the advocacy of a barrister would place money in the pouch before the barrister would speak for them. Now it remains empty -  but don’t think the robe no longer serves a purpose!

Before a defence barrister stands up to speak they will always make sure to swing the end of their robe towards the center of the bar and then stand up with a flourish. The result looks something like a peacock throwing its tail towards an enemy to frighten them. I think in many ways this is what’s going on, because the implicit suggestion is that ‘my robe is bigger than yours, therefore I am correct.’ But, be warned, I haven’t had the gall to ask any barrister why exactly they do this yet – so I am only speculating.

Prosecution barristers tend to leave their opposition to flick their gowns about the court room. Yet, don’t think they’re innocent of this postulation. Prosecution barristers prefer to grab at the lectern (I like think the sheriff officers like to leave only one at the bar table so that they can watch the tug of war between the two sides). Once they grab the lectern they pull it over to their side, making it obvious that it is ‘their turn’ to speak and that the defence shall have no lectern to speak at. This obviously indicates that the prosecution has more important things to talk about than the defence, who are usually left to stand without a lectern – unless they grab back at the stand.

What makes this even better is when there is a dispute over an objection in which the defence and prosecution only stand up for a minute to thirty seconds at a time and there’s a constant; flick, grab, flick, grab that goes on.

At least I'm still a student! Finding out
I had to limit my wardrobe at a later date
could've been /devastating/ !!

 The Australian legal system is an adversarial legal system meaning that there are two sides which battle it out in order to seek the truth behind an event and determine the guilt or innocence of an accused. The adversarial nature of this system brings about one of the most complex social arrangements that I think exists in Australia. And to explain the judge’s role in this weird social verse, they are the Queen B. Think back to high school where there was the super popular girl with her two best friends who were always battling it out to be the only best friend of the popular girl. Defence and prosecution are the two best friends of the popular girl – and at the end of the day she’ll only favor one.

So, if you were wondering what it was like to be a clerk and you’re still too young to do an internship just watch mean girls – you’ll get a good idea of what it’s like to be in a real-life court room ;) 

Lulu Hensman

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